Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Bigger family

Nathan and I have always wanted to have a big family, even before we got married we talked about how having a lot of kids. He came from a family with seven kids and in the end I came from a family of four kids. We both love our siblings to pieces and cannot imagine a holiday or summer vacation without all the fun that siblings means. When we got pregnant with Hannah shortly after getting married we thought we were off to a great start! Fast forward eight years and no siblings for Hannah we decided that we were stable enough to start the adoption process, two weeks later, we were pregnant with twins. Funny how things work. Now the twins are about to turn three and we want more and I don't want to wait another eight years. We just became licensed foster parents. Why?
  1. We want a bigger family.
  2. We want a child that is closer to Hannah's age-or as Nathan says "fill in the gaps."
  3. We want to help kids.
  4. We can't sit and say that the most ideal place for children to be raised is within a two parent family that consists of a mom and a dad, and not be willing to help kids that don't have that opportunity.
  5. We want to adopt and we can't afford the $20k per child for private adoption.
So I know the questions that people have about this topic, so I will just answer few:
Is foster care and adoption safe?
Yes, we get to decide what we can handle as a family. We have decided that we cannot handle children that have safety issues such as cruelty to animals and others, sexual re-activeness, and violence. Plus we are teaching our children, all of them about modesty, the sacredness of our bodies, and safe boundaries.
Can you handle more kids?
Yes, we both know that more kids means more work, more trips to the doctor, visitation with birth parents, but sleepless nights. We also know that it means more hugs, more laughs, more tears, more band-aids, more groceries, and more love.
What is the thing you are most afraid of?
We are not afraid of what the kids bring to the table as far as behavior and disabilities, we have already had plenty of challenges with our birth children. Our greatest fear is getting attached to a child that becomes a part of the family and then having to let them go back to their birth family because everything is safe there. (Foster care lasts anywhere from 8-12 months in the state of Utah and then the child either returns to birth family, if it is safe, or becomes adoptable) But letting go is also a lesson, even our own birth children are not really ours, we are really raising them for a Father in heaven. They will always be a part of us and our families can be together forever, but we may not have them for long here in this life. Anyone who has had a miscarriage or a stillborn baby or has lost a child learns this lesson. But if a child gets to go back to their birth family that means that a family is doing better and overcome a huge challenge. That is also a victory.
Aren't you afraid of how this will impact your other kids?
No, because all changes in life, including siblings, affect us. We believe that having more siblings is good for our kids. Yes there will be bumps but there will also be awesome times too.

One of the foster care billboards in Utah says "Become a branch in someone else' family tree." This is what we want as couple and as a family. We haven't come to this decision lightly, it has been many years and countless hours of training and preparation. We are grateful for this opportunity.

2 comments:

Ellen said...

Well put. You are amazing. God bless your family as it grows.

Tony and Whitney said...

Good for you! You are an amazing woman. . .someone I really look up to. I kind of want to be you when I grow up. :)